i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
