He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
