All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
