Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
