I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
