im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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