What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
