mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
