Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
