Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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