The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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