Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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