Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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