Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Green mimosas i think yes
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
