Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
