Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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