I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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