I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
