Screwed.edu
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
