I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
