first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
