He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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