Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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