its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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