You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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