nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
