ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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