My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
