When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
