the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This is classic penis vs brain.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize