she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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