Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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