My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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