New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
