I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
