A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
