textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
