I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
