smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
