either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
What a dumb baby whore.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
