I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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