dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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