Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
