Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
