Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
