she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You ate ashes out of my bong
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
