Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize