I cannot find my penis.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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