He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
