you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The struggles of a small town man whore
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
