CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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