i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize