why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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