no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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