I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
