My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
