wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize