you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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