fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
