You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
