You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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