two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
