Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
