Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
