he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
