Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
