We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You're like the curious george of whores
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
