The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
