she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
