im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
