I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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