last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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