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Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize