is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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