Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
