I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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