Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
