I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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