It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am puke
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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