yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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