White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
