i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
