i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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