So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
