If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
